Fleeting...

For some reason I feel a little like I am floating about in the Universe with nothing grounding me. I don't know if it's because of the weekend that we just had at my cousin's wedding, or if it's because I am just a little emotional. I wanted the family to go to my cousin Barry's wedding so we could all be together not at a funeral for the first time in years. I don't know what I was expecting to gain by being together in those circumstances. I think what I was astonished by was the vacancy that I felt from so many people that have passed away. I was expecting to feel rooted and grounded by family, but in turn I almost felt as there was nothing to grab hold of. Most of my grandparent's generation were all gone. The family was smaller and younger. It was my aunts and uncles that had the grey hair now and not my great aunts and uncles. Thankfully there were many new little faces running around, but something about the absent grandparents and especially Aunt Virginia made life feel fleeting. They all lived such long and full lives, yet it still seems like they should be here with us. I think that one of my greatest fears is to have to go through life alone. I can't imagine that ever happening, but it was almost as if the death of my relatives make me feel like I am going to be lost one day. I am surprised at how earthly my view is. I didn't realize how much worth I actually put in worldly relationships. I like to think that I am heaven bound and secure enough in my relationship with Jesus to know that life is indeed fleeting. Earthly relationships are certainly not what should keep you grounded on the earth, but I constantly search for the line between how to genuinely love people on earth and not feel like they are why life is worth living. I guess what it comes down to is, do I truly trust that God is enough for me. I can not hardly answer that question with a yes and be truthful. How I cling to this world for life and purpose, meaning and hope. It is crazy that after thirty years of living that I still have not learned that it is not all about me. I am but a breath, here today and gone tomorrow. Lord, help me to know that you are what is worth holding on to. You are good.